{RELATIONSHIPS} Is This The Best 3-Letter Word?

In all my years and in light of every relationship, I now wonder if this is the best 3-letter word for any couple:

"Why?"

But I don't mean ask "Why?" like you're some interrogator. This is where smiling matters, and nonverbal cues like body language can make a big difference -- especially depending on your partner's primary and secondary personality types.

(Not sure what his/her
personality types are?
Here's my fave personality
training so far.)

What Makes "Why?" Powerful?

Because you can have two people who say the same thing, but for very different reasons, or with beautifully different backstories. "Why?" is such a great question because it goes under the hood of what they've said, to the heart -- their heart.

And isn't that what you're trying to get to?

I would hope in your relationship, you're trying to get to know their heart. That's why I love "why?" even in conflict or tension. There's always an underlying reason -- and even the effort to understand can be powerful. No two human beings are alike.

Not even ones from the same town.

Not even ones from under the same roof!

(My brothers 'n' me? Same roof but so different.)

And I've found -- whether studying Conflict Resolution or learning from...life -- that why is what helps us discover how. For example, I was in a relationship during which I spent a good bit of time at his family's house.

In hindsight, I would subconsciously go into "eggshell mode" every time I'd step into the house. Even though his mom was so welcoming. Even though he was encouraging, it was like a subconscious "switch" would flip as soon as I stepped foot in the house.

And the one question
he didn't ask (despite
noticing a difference or
feeling a recurring tension)?

"Why?"

Which is another powerful reason "Why?" might be the best 3-letter word in a relationship: It helps create conversation, questions spark exploration. Dialogue. Discussion. And, if you're listening, it can lead to greater understanding -- of both the other person and yourself. 

Even if you're not alike.
Even if you're not agreeing.
(You don't always have to!)

But even the effort to understand can be powerful. And you both can bring out ideas and stories -- and yes, even hopes, pain, or worries -- learning about, leaning towards, and loving more in the process...

...which, if you're married,
can lead to another pretty
amazing 3-letter word (wink).


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